WHEN BABIES COME.

For centuries womyn had no choice as to when they conceived their children. Womyn conceived and birthed their babies in a wide variety of circumstances, whether they wanted to or not. Entering into a sexual relationship held the inherent danger of pregnancy leaving sexual activity associated with fear of pregnancy and rejection. The blame for the "weakness" of consent lay squarely on the shoulders of womyn. Despite the intense repercussions for womyn, babies were still conceived and born into unwanted circumstances.

The flip side of the coin was the respectable married womyn who couldn't stop conceiving, whether they wanted to or not. Depression, injury to personal health or financial capabilities weren't a consideration. A cycle of another child, another person to feed and another being needing a mother to care for them. This situation left some womyn trapped in a hell that took their life force away.

Aren't we glad the times have changed? We are the first generation of womyn on Earth who can choose to mother or not. The freedom of choice has given us our sexuality. A chance to love being sexual without having to think about conception.

Of course there are still babies conceived unexpectedly. Babies tend to choose for themselves when they want to enter the world often surprising the unsuspecting lovers focused on the joy of each other. We still have teenage mothers and unplanned family members and children born out of wedlock. One of the new expanding groups in our society would be single mothers either by choice or by circumstance. We also have childless womyn. Some whom have gladly known motherhood is not for them and have chosen not to walk the road.

There is another group, however who face the unenviable situation of not finding partnership that is right for them, thus they are forced to accept that there are no children. The reality of this circumstance usually occurs in the late thirties as time forces drastic decisions. A womon can either go it alone and choose single motherhood or forget the dream.

Finding a meaning for life, post this realisation is often a gruelling and empty process.
So often in the healing of this process previous abortions spring to mind. Many times there have been in the pasts of these womyn a time when their wombs were blessed. Looking back ten/twenty years later the choice would have been different.

People choose abortions for many reasons, all of which are valid at the time of making and nobody can underestimate the enormity of the decision weighing upon these womyn at this time. Often it is impossible to see beyond the difficulty of the moment we sit in. The responsibility of conception still sits squarely on womyn's shoulders.

These difficulties are usually around relationships, finances, health and general inappropriate timing, however we are often not conscious of the fact that life has offered us a time to be a mother. Life does not always repeat opportunities. We need to add this awareness to our decision making. At the time of conception there may only be a sense of relief that we had the choice but for some facing late thirties, no relationship in sight and no children ever, is a daunting landscape. The lost babies that life once offered often haunt them.

It is a revolution to have choice. A celebration in the journey of being a womon. It is necessary to keep a broad perspective in making our choices, as we are absolutely powerless in hindsight.

Blessed be.
Lyndall

EXPECT ZERO FROM THE EX

The relationship to the Ex is the most disturbing interaction that has to play out over many years. Unlike any other family member, whom at worst case scenario can be ignored or never contacted, the Ex is always present like a thorn that you forget about until some everyday decision arises and then the prick is there.

This is acerbated by the Ex being the parent of your children; a significant other to the ones you love above all others. They too love the offspring just as much as you. Yes they understand wanting the best life can offer for your children but usually what was once a joint dreamland of goals and expectations becomes a battlefield of disagreements. The stage for revenge is set and as time rages by, the definintions of the "best life can offer" separates.

The breakdown of relationship takes time and exposes a vulnerability deeply set in both people. This vulnerability is fuelled by broken dreams, anger and deceptive images of who they thought each other to be. Money and children become the vicious weapons to fight out the battle. These two items slash deeply into the wounds of disappointment. Each warrior knows well the vulnerability of the other which is why such successful blows can be dealt.

The saddest part of this is- In the beginning there was love, passion and a desire to create. The dreams, goals, lifestyles and children were the very glue that binds. Somehow over time all this turns like a darkening of the prism to hatred. Yes a harsh word but the Ex becomes the person who never cooperates, who never tries to help establish any aspect of your life, the person who considers you last or probably not at all. In many cases the person who goes out of their way to make life difficult. The Ex can wish you harm and wish that you were gone forever.

So why then are we surprised when the Ex constantly steps in our way? They are likely to become the obstacle to almost every road you want to take. If there are no expectations for consideration from the Ex, there is a reduction in the grief that can be caused. If you are separated and gladly so, why would the Ex consider you?

Time is the remedy.

Time to separate personally.

Time to separate belongings and reorganise family.

Time to adjust to new relationships that create an extended family.

Time to redevelop history.

Time is on everyone's side.


LYNDALL MCQUINN 2011

Labels: tales from tarot reader